New Year With the Bakuras!
by Kristina Angelina
Summary: You got to spend Thanksgiving with them... and now, you can watch the three Bakuras throw a fabulous New Year's party! Enjoy their gayness, hilarity, and general "what the actual -" moments. (R&R, beauties! And Happy New Year! Also, I call first YGO fanfic of 2016!)


**Hey, beauties. Sorry for not updating recently.**

 **However!**

 **Since I wasn't able to make "Christmas With the Bakuras", I decided to write a New Year's version. Where I am, it's just now New Year's day, so... Happy New Year to all of you gorgeous people!**

 **I own nothing. If you think otherwise, you suck.**

 **Enjoy, and beware of language and other beautiful gay things~**

* * *

You watched them celebrate Thanksgiving like total weirdos, and now, my friends, watch the three Bakuras celebrate the New Year!

Seriously though. This is turning into a rip off of "the Three Stooges".

Except sexier, of course.

The name Bakura is far more sexier than "Stooge".

Like, what type of a name is "Stooge"?!

Good lord!

But, thank your lucky stars that this isn't about "Stooges", it's about beautiful sexy Bakuras.

"Stooges". Sounds like someone just took the "b" and "r" off of "boogers" and added an "s".

Alright, I'll shut up now.

"Happy New Year, Bakura and Touzouko," Ryou said cheerily as he entered the room. The two Bakuras only glanced at him.

"What the hell is that?" Touzouko inquired, raising an eyebrow. Ryou blinked, then giggled slightly. Damn, he has the cutest laugh! I'm like Ursula, and he's Ariel... I want his laugh so bad...

Ahem. Sorry, readers.

"New Year's day is the... well, first day of the New Year, of course," the British boy supplied helpfully. "This year was wonderful, but I'm so excited for next year!"

"I'm betting my ass it'll suck," Bakura snorted. Touzouko snickered.

"You have no ass to bet."

The room went bat-shit crazy!

No, like literally. You know those bat wings on top of Bakura's head? Well, he used those to fly over to Touzouko (yes, he actually went airborne) and smack the sexy bastard right across the face!

 **Bakura used slap!**

 **Touzouko used punch and countered the attack!**

 **Bakura fainted!**

Yes, Bakura actually fainted. Yes, Ryou told Touzouko all about himself and his ancestors and what a cruel person he was being. No, Akefia didn't feel guilty. Yes, Ryou denied him any dessert. Yes, Akefia cried due to this.

Gosh. Stop asking questions.

"Oh, that must be Marik and Mariku!" Ryou exclaimed cheerfully as the door bell rang. Touzouko ignored him and continued crying. But too bad for him, because Ryou felt no sympathy.

Well, okay. Maybe he felt a bit.

BUT JUST A BIT.

"Hey Marik!" The pale boy greeted, still smiling brightly, as he opened the door to reveal the Egyptian boy. Mariku stood behind him with a non-too-cheerful look on his face, but Ryou tried his best to ignore this and quickly beckoned them both inside.

"Where's Bitchkura?" Mariku asked curiously when he noticed there was only two Bakuras in the living room. Oh, and he came up with yet another nickname for Bakura. He finds it fun to do so.

Then again, he finds watching Elmo toys turn into ashes fun as well. But who doesn't?

"Bakura's in my bedroom," Ryou answered half-heartedly, not really paying attention. He was more focused on Touzouko, to make sure the thief only took one cookie from the jar instead of the entire jar.

"Ooo," Marik purred, tossing Ryou a wink. "Planning a different kind of New Year's party?"

So much blood rushed to Ryou's face, the rest of his body was as white as the snow outside.

"N-No, Marik," Ryou coughed. "Touzouko knocked him out, and I moved him to my bedroom so he could rest."

Marik looked so disappointed it was almost disturbing.

 _Almost._

Marik's always disturbing, so we're letting this one time slide.

"I'm bored," Mariku said suddenly.

Just as suddenly, a fog horn went off.

Marik pointed the horn at his yami as if it were a gun and could do damage to something other than the pineapple head's ears, screaming, "If you're bored, step outside! We don't need more plushies being burned!"

"He burns plushies?" Touzouko asked curiously, munching on the one cookie Ryou had graced him with. Marik nodded gravelly.

"He burned my precious little kitty plush. It resembled Bakura perfectly!" The Egyptian wailed, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead.

He abruptly fainted.

Ryou was too surprised and confused to catch him, and Mariku didn't give a rat's ass if his hikari fell or not.

Damn, talk about a stick up the rectum.

Not the rat's rectum, Mariku's.

The rat's rectum has nothing to do with this.

"What the bloody hell -?"

"Bakura!" Ryou exclaimed worriedly, rushing over to the dizzy yami. "Are you OK?"

"Now I am," Bakura said, gesturing towards the fact that Ryou's pants had suspiciously lowered below the waist line.

In other words, the kid was like an underwear model.

"Rock it baby, rock it~" Marik, who had unfortunately awakened, sang in what he thought was a seductive voice.

The only reason I'm saying it isn't is because he sounded like a combination of Barney the Dinosaur and Elmo.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HORRIFYING THAT IS?!

Ryou shouted something incoherent (it sounded like "mother and biscuits", but I could be wrong) and ran into his room, slamming the door while continuing to scream "mother and biscuits".

No one knew if it was because of Marik's voice, or if it was because he was half naked.

Probably Marik's voice.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS TERRIFYING!

"I thought his mother was dead."

"Damn, Mariku. Cold as hell."

"Hell isn't cold."

"Marik, you missed the point."

"There was no point!"

"There's a point in a triangle."

"Illuminati confirmed!"

"NO WHERE IS SAFE!"

"That's why we should take all of our "wear" off."

"Touzouko, shut up."

"Make me, kitty."

"I'M NOT A CAT FOOL!"

"He's a bat!"

"YOU SHUT UP TOO MARIK!"

"Only if you make me!"

"Ooo, kinky!"

"ALL OF YOU ARE FOOLS! FOOLS, I SAY! FOOLS!"

* * *

After Ryou had changed, all five of them went outside and gazed at the moon.

How lame.

This is how it really happened.

They made Ryou dance sexily (which he did naturally, albeit shyly).

They made Bakura become a DJ with headphones, glow-sticks, and perfume that smelled like catnip. Don't ask where they found it.

Oh, and his name's "DJ Bitch".

Mariku thought of it, so don't ask about that either.

They made Marik become a waiter - although he was more of a waitress, considering he wore a short skirt and tank top. (But he loved it, so they didn't really _force_ him to do it.)

They made Mariku tap dance (which Ryou found wonderful, while everyone else was trying not to snicker).

They made Touzouko spin on his head like some sort of gangsta rapper. Oh, while wearing rabbit ears. He was quite good at it. You should've seen him.

Oh, I forgot. You can't, because you're the readers!

POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS -

\- told you I was Ursula.

Anywho.

With Midnight fast approaching, the boys began asking themselves: "What'll my New Year's Resolution be?"

Luckily, I snuck in and collected them for you. See if you can figure out who's is who's.

"This year, I want to screw Ryou at least 15 times. Maybe Marik, too, just to see how blondes are."

"I plan on making sure Ryou becomes my boyfriend. Forever. Mwuahahahhaha!"

"To make more friends and to become a bit more outgoing. Yes, that sounds good."

"To kill people using my hair's pointy-ness and to kidnap Ryou and take him to Hawaii."

"I'll make sure that I kill Marik, Mariku, Touzouko, and anyone else who lays eyes on my hikari. Then, sexiness shall ensue... oh yes... very sexy..."

It's probably easy to tell, isn't it.

Unlike finding Waldo.

DAMN HIM!

Finally, the clock struck midnight.

Sorry to say, they completely forgot about it and were already trying to complete the tasks they'd set before themselves.

In other words, Ryou was being hit on like a bird hits a tree.

THWACK.

SCREECH.

Death.

Except, thankfully, Ryou's still alive. The bird isn't, but birds aren't sexy, so who cares.

In the end, Mariku kidnapped Ryou and everyone else is chasing after him on motorbikes.

Badass scene, if you ask me.

Except Bakura somehow managed to throw himself on-top of the car.

HIS BAT WINGS I TELL YOU!

All was well and badass, until one of those green signs on the highway introduced itself to Bakura's face.

Ryou started screaming "mother and biscuits" again, and no one wanted to hear Mariku remind the boy his mother was dead, so Marik sacrificed Touzouko to save Bakura.

How noble of Marik!

And that, my friends, was the oh-so lovely New Year's party. Touzouko's fine, by the way. Just a little beat up. But did _you_ like it? If so, wonderful.

Did you not?

A demonic bird is being sent to your house. Repent, or die.

Happy New Year, gay fans!

I don't mean you're gay, I mean you a fan of gays.

Now that that's cleared up...

Happy New Year and holly jollies and all of that shit.

* * *

 **Mhm. Anywho, review and I'll give you a link to a site with YGO doujinshi...**

 **Just kidding. I'll give it to you anyway. It's myreadingmango . info. Remove the spaces and the dot at the end of "info". There's no ". com", just so you know. Anywho, enjoy the New Year!**


End file.
